THE RUMOR (being passed on)
(Note: This is the background story to The Rumor. It is being posted here so that it will not be lost, as the future of beforebraille.com is unknown. The links above take you to the corresponding sections on the Before Braille website.)
Amek M2500 Analogue Automated Mixing Console. 36 input/24 buss. (last of the hand-wired Ameks.)
the mic pres were all Amek board pres of Rupert Neve design.
MCI/Sony JH-24 2″ 24-track Sony DAT recorder of some type.
Urei 1176 compressor
Avalon SP-747 stereo compressor/eq
Drawmer DL 241compressor (2)
dbx 160X compressors
ART Pro VLA tube compressor (2)
Focusrite Platinum opto compressor/de-esser/eq/mic pre
TL Audio tube compressor/eq/mic pre
TL Audio tube mic pres (2)
Telefunken V672 mic pres
dbx 166A compressor (2)
Drawmer quad gate
Ashley gates (4)
Roland SRV-2000 reverb
Roland SRV-330 reverb
Yamaha SPX 90-II reverb
Effectron II delay
Avalon U-5 DI
Antares ATR-1 Auto Tune
dbx de-esser (I can’t remember the numbers)
Apogee Rosetta A/D converter
Philips CD burner
Rode NTK tube mic
Shure 57 (a whole bunch)
Studio Projects C-1 (2)
Oktava O12 (I think that’s what they are) (2)
Oktava ML-52 ribbon mics (2)
other various weird old but useful mics
and a couple of Oktavas whose numbers I never can remember
Amps, Instruments, etc.:
Marshall JCM-800 switchable 50 watt
Marshall 4X12 speaker cabinet (mid 70′s with Celestions)
Yamaha Clavinova digital piano
various glockenspiel, tambourines, shaker, percussion, etc.
Line 6 delay pedal thingy (green)
Line 6 modulation pedal thingy (blue)
Vocals were recorded with a Rode NTK tube mic, into an Amek mic pre, into a Manley Vox Box, into a Urei 1176 compressor, to tape. The mix of ‘Cinema Spine’ also went through an Avalon 737 compressor.
On two, maybe three songs, Kelly used a DW snare. Definitely ‘Unfit’ and probably ‘Feeling Fades’ and ‘Miracle Mile’. He used a Noble & Cooley snare throughout the rest of the recording.
We’ll need to check what the drum mics were, as there were a bunch of weird ones Bob doesn’t normally use and have not used since.
Kick drum mic – AKG D-112
Snare – Shure 57 (through a Telefunken v672 mic pre)
Toms – shure 57s
Far room mic – neumann TLM-103
Probably used some Crown or Realistic PZM mics on the really far rooms – but can’t remember exactly. It would be on the tracking sheets.
Overheads were some type of obnoxious AKGs. We might have borrowed them from Andrew Belcher, but not sure…maybe c3000? or C1000? Something like that.
They were very bright, and rather brittle-sounding. Not recommended.
Mid-70s reissue of the ’55 Les Paul Special. Two P-90 pickups and a brass nut on the neck.
90′s Gibson SG Standard.
90′s Fender American Telecaster Standard with cut out body.
Hans used his JMP amp, through Bob’s cabinet (which is a 1970s Marshall ).
Braden used my JCM 800, 50-watt switchable head.
Dave used a Silverface 70′s issue (can’t remember the year) with a master volume and a gain boost pull-knob mic’d with a 57 through the Telefunken.
Guitars each utilized a single 57. Probably went through the Telefunken mic pre listed above.
Brandon played his Mexican Fender Jazz Bass through an Avalon U-5 DI box, then into a Urei 1176 compressor.
The piano was Bob’s Yamaha Clavinova, usually clean but sometimes (like on 24-18), it went through the Marshall . Bob used vibratone on ‘Feeling Fades’. ‘Low End’ had either a Hammond organ or just a regular pipe organ on it (probably pipe organ), and ‘Miracle Mile’ had Fender Rhodes on it. (those last three were fake versions of those on Bob’s piano, but we probably don’t need to bother mentioning that.)
Almost all of the segue ways were created by Bob doing scary things with his piano and the Line 6 Delay Modeler (DM-4, I think) pedal, except of course for the instruments we provided in the end of ‘Paranoia’ and the accordion which I think precedes ‘Abracadaver’, played by Hans but was still mutated courtesy the green pedal.
Oh, and the segue way before ‘Unfit’ was Bob, the Glockenspiel, and the delay pedal.
Sounds on 24-18 was the pedal and Braden with guitar. They were taken directly off the original 16-track demo masters, as was the nazi speech in ‘Goodnight Quiet Noise’. and both the speech and the ooo’s were done by Dave through some kind of halloween voice box, mic’d with the tube mic probably. We don’t know for sure which model it was, but it had four settings: ‘robot’, ‘scary low monster’, ‘scary
high-pitched monster’, and one that was just to make your voice louder, which was what we used. The noises at the top of ‘secret’ were made by Braden playing a bunch of weird stuff, which Bob then put into the green pedal and played with until I thought it sounded cool.
Andrew Belcher: major studio assistance including mic lending and other helpful deeds.
Greg Naylor: lender of mics and headphones.
Kevin Scanlon: lender of Gibson Les Paul and ears for guitar sounds.
Braden McCall: came in and tracked his guitar parts after he had decided to leave the band, very helpful.
Bob Hoag: shouldn’t be on this list because he actually should be considered a member of the band on this recording. He did so much.
Jared Woosley, Alex Eilers, McKane Davis, and Daniel Hargest gave contributions to the vocals. Jared actually received a couple phone calls from Albuquerque when 24minus18 was played on the radio there wondering if it was a new Fivespeed song. Serious, that song and After Arguments wouldn’t have been the same without Jared & Alex.
The mix was done at Flying Blanket during a stint of 28 straight hours–10am to 6pm the following evening –including coffee breaks for Bob, and Rockstar energy drink breaks for the rest of us. Bob stayed strong the entire way. He deserves the MVP award. Some of the rest of us could be found on the floor or bunched up in chairs taking cat naps from time to time. Brandon still had his job, so he was only there for a couple hours making a few critical bass level moves on the un-automated console. Hans and Kelly were present throughout most of the mixing…Hans could be found pushing up the levels of guitars or reading the wide array of magazines in the studio, as Kelly was either critiquing the snare drum sound or the lack of toms or on the floor lying on cushions he had pulled off chairs & couches. Braden did not take part in the mixing experience, for he had left the band by that time and was only present to record is guitar parts. Dave lasted about 26 of the 28 hours and only left to join his city league basketball team where he was running on fumes, his team was defeated handily.
The function of mixing went as follows…We used an Avalon 747sp for mix bus compression and eq. If you care about the reverbs used on the record, they’re on the Flying Blanket site. The Roland SRV-2000 was used, but we can’t recall what, if anything, was put on Dave’s voice. Snare and kick used Drawmer compressors, we can’t recall the numbers, but they’re on the FB site, as are the Drawmer gates used on the snare, kick and/or toms.
The story is about how the mixes for The Rumor came to be is quite interesting. After the marathon we faced to finish the mixes by the allotted time given to us by our record label was met, we blew a sigh of relief. This was a guarantee that Bob would get paid the money promised to him, as well as guarantee a 2002 summer release date and tour for before braille. We were told that if the record wasn’t ready by then, we’d have to wait until spring 2003 the following year to have the album released. When the label received the mixes they would not pay Bob unless he also delivered the master tapes which is not uncommon for major label types. So, Bob and the band piled into his R2-D2 van and drove out to Cave Creek to deliver the tapes. We also enjoyed a meal at Sonic on the way. The label accepted the tapes and mixes and handed over Bob’s money.
It was a joyous occasion until the word came back that the mixes were not acceptable. Bob offered to remix any song, even the whole album again for free. We expected that the label would have issues with a couple songs, due to the fact that all 15 tracks were mixed in one session–our ears were gone by track 5. The label refused the offer. Bob remembered them saying that there was nothing redeeming enough in the mixes that would allow them to consider using him again. The label decided the recordings needed special attention and they would need another professional’s help. Before Braille suggested a number of engineers if Bob Hoag was not an option, and the label said they would narrow it down to 5 and allow Before Braille a voice in the final decision.
3 months later Before Braille was informed that mixing had been going on in a studio in Miami, FL and some mixes from that session would be coming to us to reference. Without going into our disdain for the mixes, let it be known that guitar parts, vocals and even drums were missing from some of the mixes. It was a disaster. After much pleading, Dave was allowed to fly out to Florida to help with the process.
After 3 long days of work David came home with 3 mixes he felt were as good as they could get them, ’24-18′, ‘Cinema Spine’, ‘Spanish Dagger’. The band was not happy with certain aspects of each song. More pleading too place…Bob was sent in for 3 days. He remembers being told that this is the final consideration that would be taken. Whatever Bob could accomplish in his 3 days in Florida would be all that could be allowed for consideration for the final mixes.
Bob worked feverishly and got 8 songs completed. He brought back 5 of those mixes. 2 of them sounded fine, ‘Cinemas Spine’ and ‘Abracadaver’. The others were close. We begged for more time, but the final decision was made to send out the mixes of the label’s choice to be mastered. The mastering plant happened to be The Blasting Room in Ft. Collins, Colorado. Lucky for us, that was the studio of Bob’s long time friend, Jason Livermore. Bob conviced the label to fly him up to Ft. Collins and assist the mastering process due to the degree of difficultly brought on by the segue transitions. Bob was also allowed to bring up those transitions on reference cds from his own studio, for the studio in Florida neglected to spend any time on mixing them. The interesting thing about those reference cds is this…they also contained the original 28hr marathon mixes that were slaved over 4 months prior, and deemed unacceptable by the powers that be.
As they worked, Jason found that the original mixes were a better representation of the band, as well as more accurate mixes. As they began piecing the record together, Jason would A-B the Flying Blanket mixes with the Florida mixes. Continualy he would insert the mixes from Bob’s reference cd in place of the final mixes chosen by Aezra. By the end of the record they had found that the final master had all 15 songs from the originally declined mixes, save 3…’Cinema Spine’ & ‘Abracadaver’ & Secret No.7 (a song that was nearly kept off the record and was only included if we agreed to call it a “prelude” to the album) done by Bob during his time in South Florida. Those mixes, transitions and segues were played to Dave over the phone…and when the go-ahead was given, the master was printed.
Now the question was this…would the label approve of the master? Copies of the master were sent to NY, AZ, FL, & CA as the Aezra team got all their ears together to make a final decision. The next day the phone call came in…the label loved the master and they would be sending it in to be pressed that day.
The question still remains…why would a label accept a master with open arms that they had decline so fervently 4 months and tens of thousands of dollars earlier? The question may be speculated for years to come.
Although there are some minor issues that Bob and the band have with the mixes, overall they are loved by both…especially considering the full story behind them.
There are stories behind the final artwork as well, but we’ll save them for campfire stories. One item that we still find confusing is why the label would not allow us, the band–the creators–the artists, if you will, to have our own contact information on the album credits, nor would they allow the album to be pressed without them thanking themselves. In the late stages of production they inserted a list of “thank you’s” (which was scaled down when strong debate arose) into the album credits for people who had nothing to do with the album’s recording. The largest part of the label’s acknowledgements is comprised of members of the label. It would seemingly be like one sending a ‘Thank You’ card to oneself. Now we are intimately grateful for all the assistance, inspiration, encouragement, or any act that helped us along the way as a band and as people, but we didn’t cure cancer or create world peace. Although it brings us joy and we’re proud of our work, we just made a record. So, like at the end of the film, we like to list credits for those to took part in the actual making of the album. If we strayed beyond that and went into other realms, our list would be much more sizeable than my current ramblings. So, without further ado, here is a more accurate list of credentials, and extended in response to the names that sit within the artwork one of our friends painted, another one of our friends formated and stylistically presented, and we conceptualized.
Michael Jensen- Owner of Jensen Communications, our publicity team. Behind almost any progress made in behalf of Before Braille. Thoughtful, Knowledgeable, Helpful.
Sonia Sanchez- Our publicist and good friend.
Fabio Jafet- Film & video producer/director. Responsible for a fine EPK and some great video treatments that never saw the light of day. Also a great friend.
Liquid 8- Record label that provided distribution through BMG when The Rumor was first released. They also became a kind and generous help to before braille.
Julie Preger- Financier. (note: Julie is one of the most generous people we know.)
Mike Preger- CEO at Aezra who provided the best debates and offered the most solutions.
Judy Libow- Radio solution. Judy also solved many concerns after the record was released and was always looked upon with respect by the band.
Lydia Chavez- Helpful when immediate questions needed answering…if she was allowed to answer them.
Bret Vesley- The buffer. Bret worked hard & often took the heat graciously when being blamed for something that wasn’t his fault. Did a lot of booking for us.
Eric Cheroske- First fan of the band at Aezra, label’s original owner.
Paige Cheroske- Aezra’s website administrator and accountant.
Alan Jacobi- Aezra’s attorney
Josh Danoff- Aezra’s designer who often ignored Dave’s requests.
Paul Yeskel- Nice guy, not sure what he does.
Rob Sides- Not sure what he does either.
Woody Graber- Pretty sure what he does, but not sure how it effected us.
Original paintings by Sergio Aguirre, concept/layout by David Jensen, design & implementation by Jason Farrell, firstname.lastname@example.org
Sergio’s original paintings are titled “Trouble Takes It’s Place” -front cover, “Jasper Higgs 1903″ -back cover & cd face, “Can’t Play” -extending panels, “House” -inside tray (painting hangs on Annelise Hopkins’ living room wall). David was made aware of Sergio’s incredible work through Scott Tennent when comprising local artists for the Sunset Alliance/This Argonaut compilation “Not One Light Red: A Modified Document” where Sergio’s painting “Boy Swimming” graces the cover and also David’s living room wall.
It was decided that due to cost the cover insert would not be a slip cover with the braille being holes drilled through the cover showing the intended artwork underneath; instead some sort of survey card lies in place of the original idea, which was actually agreed to be a postcard, but never came to fruition. We are in love with the paintings and the work that Jason did for the layout, but we feel like the “presentation” of the artwork is unfinished. Maybe one day The Rumor will be available as it was meant to be presented.
Why was the album called “The Rumor”?
Without mentioning any names, there was a very heated conversation between a member of the band and 2 people representing the label. Threats were made by the two people from the label after the band had decided not to work with a particular member of “A&R”. Almost a direct quote from that encounter was this, “I will personally see to it that this is the end of your band…if you continue ignoring me, this will all be over and your record will never be released…Before Braille will be a rumor …”
We feel just like
With unknown crimes
It’s not your fault
It’s always mine.
THE SPANISH DAGGER
Well stop cashing me in for a thin line
You’re right on track to know what it feels like to lose more than you’ve ever gained
Charges pending further investigation
You’ve got to expect that you’re falling from graces
Rehearsing all your persona will need when you’re front-page fighting (aim) for your dignity
I almost taste the the irony
How fiction replaces history
Use daunted glow to light your page
You say those feelings of doubt will never cut across your mouth
I know that Socrates and impurities are getting you down
You’ll take all they’ve got to get your fill
Your time is running out
You’re getting carried away because no one cares about your fame
I see the dagger in your name
Deny your roots for future rain, for future reign
Add one more kill to raise your worth
It’s so sad, cause it’s all the truth you have
Trade breath for gold
There’s no Armageddon when banks are there to relieve you
Why prevent yourself to take wealth from someone else
Dare to incite yourself when you’re your only foe
You’re carried away
Nothing’s real about your fame
I can see you drown in your own wake
So pale, so thin you’d float away
I see you trying so hard
So no one will ever take your place when you feel the dagger brush your face
Well… I deny myself what I can take when I can wait…and expect the same
Incriminated, your teeth still shine over the suffering
Deceiving trade, but the blade will shine.
A CINEMA SPINE
Just a little bit of feeling in your stories and I’m ready rearing to go
Just a little bit of grieving in the words you relate and I’m alright
Crash land, insist, can’t exist on frailty
I always crash land, resist, exaggerated authority
Just a little bit of bleeding in your stories and I’d be really wanting to know- how they treat internal bleeding when they’re dying to be the future glow
All attacks come two by two
We’ve been gliding, so far just spinning our wheels
When all the bodies fall do they face the sky
To choose which star to make it home
When all the bodies fall is it finally quiet
Or does their last heartbeat echo till they’re gold
Crash land, resist, re-define a dire need
Crash land, in this unassuming reality
When all the bodies fall will they shun the light
And dust their feet on brittle stone
And all this time is wasted on an assembly line
To keep things plain enough to be sold
Tell me something to ease my worry, tell me something to calm me down
Tell me something to prove your story, a shot of sodium pentathol
Tell me something that’s not too late to deny…
Why would anybody treat your right
We already know how the actors feel.
I’m ready to blow
It’s not my fault
Don’t waste a four-leaf clover
Good happens to the owner
Just wait, when the leaves fall
They go below your faults
Now you’re just boring me to death
I’ve got a catacomb underneath the same place I lay my head
I’ve gotta bury them blind and then control what they find
I’m hanging on a thread
You know I’m ready to blow like I’ve told you I would
Out of nothing you find your own authority
Cleanse the water to send your holy blessings
I’m flying solo, I’m falling so low, where do we go
Out of nothing you find your own authority
Forbidden honor will go as far as atrophy
I’m flying solo
Now you’re just boring me to death
I’ve got a cataract focused on a shaky conscience at best (shaky guest)
I’ve got to make up my mind and try to make up some time
I’m hanging on a thread
You know I’m ready to blow, but not quite yet
You know I’m ready to fold, can’t count my cards yet
You know I’m ready to forget all we’ve been through
You know I’m ready for you
The shaken are desperate for new sounds on old ground
To bury reflections, infections from strong hands in weak glands
And when they’re awakened their vision will fade
It aint a bit of my fault
I’m gonna miss her.
TWENTY FOUR MINUS EIGHTEEN
Confidence, coming clean, ambivalent to everything
24 minus 18, find a problem for everything
Don’t try to tell me what I mean
Don’t try to build yourself from the outside
Don’t try to make yourself; you’ll break every time
Don’t try to take your guilt and leave it behind
I carry mine
This lust will defeat us
I’ve learned too many times
You cuss when you see us
I’m taking all this in stride
I breathe too hard
My lungs are scarred
Have you tried to arrest yourself, arrested in time
Why change if you can’t find the time
Try to make the most of this or get left behind
Everything comes at a price
You trust us when you need us
Why do I feel there’s nothing inside
This crutch will relieve us
How can I fix this if I haven’t tried
I want to send you roses before your death is staged
When understanding violence, suspects know their fate
I want another reason why I never help myself
I waste my days regretting why
Celebrate, Semper fi, Sic Transit Gloria
If you don’t intend to go, never say that you want to
Stay home until you know, life’s short, but quite a ride
Got 8 months to go, a tightened grip will get you through
Don’t forget your goals, time is on your side…as long as you’re alive
You want some closure
You almost finished
But couldn’t fool your pride
Out of nothing, fake forgiveness
(What if I’d lied)
JAWS OF LIFE
I’m caught up in the jaws of life
What can heal can also tear you up inside
Writing down your own anthem
You don’t like the older one
I would stand at attention for less than minimum
Wage your own forgotten wars
Trade honor for canker sores
Ghostly pride with matching tours
You’re childish without the joy
I know that I said I would change
I know that I haven’t changed
A shoulder to lean on and then break/embrace
I’m barely breathing with my status day to day
Caught off guard by innocence
I cross my heart you influences pull you down
I swear it’s not the fault of mine or of the fault of anyone
So tell me what the guilt feels like
Are you swallowed in the jaws of life
When you strip people down you’ll see how they don’t need their cover
Is it clear and defined when fists from a simple conflict rise
And we turn into monsters we thought were once extinct.
(I could tell you things to shock you too)
GOODNIGHT QUIET NOISE
You’re full of spite and I know the reason why
Your alibi will never hold up to mine
Standing up when paralyzed
Pull the cloak over your eyes
It aint enough to be a mountain tall
Adding up, so name the price
Spent your lot to turn on a dime
Remove your mask to make a curtain call
Something’s calling me out to the boulevard
My thoughts need cages until the morning
When night it rises like the tide I feel I’m underneath I’m drowning in nothing at all
Make amends before you start the fight
Finding out why you should sleep at night
The blood will boil then solidify
You better see this, you won’t believe it
You can’t avoid the way they perceive you to be
They’re still behind you
They’re catching up to hold you to the back of the line.
SPLIT LIP ENVY
I’m just a token of your flirtation
Nothing more than a description
You’re just a guy, just a kid from a place where your philosophy is a catastrophe
Wake up split lip, you’re not that cool
Put your words in quotes then call yourself Vegan
Turn up, off, on your stupid song and sing
Words about the things you know and what you think you have to show her
As for myself, I think it’s obvious that I’m envious of you
Tell me now what you’ve got to look forward to
I hear they’re hiring at the dairy queen
Your whole story has been a disappointment
Your poetry is just a joke to me
Anything and everything about the affection
That you get when what you’ve got then
10 times 42, what’s that got to do with anything this song’s about
This jealousy I’ll do without
Where am I in this fairytale, this nightingale counters what I had in mind
and leaves me depressed and despised.
PARANOIA PAYS OFF
I’ll try to get your attention so I can clear my name
(I know you don’t care) because I’ve seen my picture on your dartboard
Bleed without pain
You’re always so violent…blah, blah…to spite your face
I’ll try to understand the words you yell at me
I’ve simply become someone you abhor
Have you discovered that you need to change your ways
When out in the open and sense of direction just fades away
You’ve never been sorry for a thing you’ve said
Have I told you that there’s nothing I can’t take from you
It’s just decent to wait a while before you go and make a fool of me
Break through with a crescent smile, got to plan ahead for broken teeth
It’s too late to defend yourself, I saw you laying down beside the things we’d never talk about
But go on believing
See, my paranoia is paying off.
I’ve been to/stayed at all the places I never felt I’d ever be calling home.
WHEN THE FEELING FADES
It aint over, but it feels like it is done
Getting older and dignified
I thought we could go out for a ride
Look at gravesites and pretend that we’re inside
Trade headstones for the night
Relax and just settle down
This hesitation will not be wasted
We can’t cross hidden lines
You know it helps like nothing else to taste the wind when you prepare to fly
“Olli-Olli-Oxen-Free” if you can’t find a victim then you’re hunting for me
So when the legs I have won’t move I’ve got a good place to hide
Under cover, I’m hating all the things you say but don’t mean
You’re an imposter and I’ve seen you changing sides
You’re a dictator and we all drink to your pride
We’ll get this right
We’ll leave all the talking for another night
It’s never kind, but we don’t mind
You can’t inspect a soul after it dies
Relax and just settle down
This hesitation is not complacent
(It’s clear) We can’t defend these lines
You know it helps like nothing else to lean through the windowsill within your mind
You give of yourself now
You think for yourself now
You cry by yourself now
Because you want to be let down
You’re a martyr with guest lists
You’ll never make a birthday wish
Well you can’t be without gifts
Because you need to be glorified
I can see why you’re mortified when the feeling fades
Time won’t ever be on your side
Are your feelings mine?
So you see yourself holding the knife though it seems you’re more terrified than the faces you practice at night, so you can watch your tongue sympathize
We all know it’s wrong, but pretend that it’s/we’re innocent
Get out of the way
You say that you can’t move
We’ll drag you away to rot in your test tube
Congratulate me just when you need to
So captivating that I rot in place
Innocence fools you
It cuts you into pieces
You try to find a way to live or way to die
The decadence coerces you in zines & books & movies
I know I’m right this time
Get out of the way
You say that you can’t move and threaten to stay
Well, chalk up a new bruise
Like a thief in the night
So planned and deliberate
No use for a knife, if you can’t hide it…right?
You fall out of photographs and skin up your knees
Pulled under the undertow I’m so sorry you’re sorry
We all know it’s wrong
(Here we go)
We’ll all get along
Get out of the way
It’s clear I can’t trust you
You gamble with fate
A downfall for refuge
You reciprocate while plotting your next move
It’s not fair to complain from miles away…
LOW END OF LUXURY
Collect all your things for what they’re worth
(You’ve got me leaving messages all night)
Wedding presents postmarked eternity
Will you return to the sender
You’re paced too slow
The price of life
Save a collapsed lung
Take long distance shrugs
Leave a light on not a siren
So what’s your story
Have you change that too
The ring slipped through your fingers, but still you can’t let it go
I’m lost and found in some low end of luxury
(I’ll start my packing when you start to fall asleep)
It’s just the same as it’s always been
I’ve lost my will for anything
It’s not rational why you’ll go
Hear it in her voice
She regrets her choice
Giving up by nomination
Once more just say it softly
the ring slipped through your fingers, but still you can’t let go
Its hard to know what makes us fall apart
Its hard to want to stop it when it starts
Its hard to know what makes us fall apart
Scars jump at a chance to make a mark.
You try to make this last
But your candles burn too fast
Divided before you were born
Were you divided from your former you
You’ll never make it far
Well it’s time, so let go of my arm
You’re dying north of 40
You are destined for its solitude
Just pull the cover over your eyes
Or do what just feels good
It’s easy to be content about your life
Until it’s over
Why does this feel so good
Won’t somebody tell me while I’m alive
Why can’t I withstand my lust is so much stronger than my love for life
(It’s just fate to play)
Will you take over when I’m bleeding
Watch me squeeze out every pint I’ve got
I can feel it
Well-rehearsed accidents prepare to stop
And I am trying
Know what you want before you start
I read your diary (to get to know you)
I skipped right to the end (I don’t feel guilty)
Empty pages (of untold stories)
For days you didn’t want to live (oh well, you’ve given up)
Too late to decide my fate or re-write autobiographies
And though I just woke up, I feel that I’m washed up
You’re always fake (you fear the worst)
Because you’ve been betrayed (so well rehearsed)
It’s your fault I can believe handshakes
I’ve gone far enough, that’s why I’m washed up
It’s over, I mean it
It’s over, I believe it now
I’m washed up.
Deathbeds and guarded borders
Bedpans and doctors orders
Move on and leave the weak behind
Back stabs and painted on smiles
It’s easier to die admired
From here there is no turning back
Fall out of focus
Arguments end where you leave them
(What’s it take to be satisfied)
You battle your progress
Arguments fend for themselves
I’ve been shot down too many times
I guess I blame myself for targets I can’t defend
A Punishment will never fit a crime
Well should I go ahead with this, if I could go ahead at all
I’d be more confident if you’d admit you’re wrong
Do I need to chalk your lines
Victims precede the crime
You’re blaming yourself next time
We’ll take turns to cover the tracks that we leave behind
You use me to waste your time
Your grudges carry themselves just fine
Regrets, I take yours if you’ll take mine
A fair trade for lightning bolts, landmines or genocide
Unplug the phone, I need it quiet
All we have left is all we hold on to
I don’t care anymore, let’s put this aside
I’ll scream with my last breath, “I’m alright”
All we have left is all we lay next to
White boys, start your own KKK
You look like you’re good for nothing anyway
Just like your parents before you
And just like your faceless neighborhood
I know that I’m the one, I feel just like Shakakahn
If it’s not for me, it can’t be right for anyone
I blame the cynics and the sun
I’m just not fit to go on and neither is anyone
I’ve always needed a crowd just like an orphan
I don’t deserve this at all
I deserve all I get
I could be walking on water and complain that my feet get wet
But I’d be fine if you’d let go
I’ve gone to all the places of those who run for cover
The camera angle i’ve taken is wrong
You make me feel like I’m a salesman and somehow I’m caught with red hands
Tightrope over reason like a skeptic with plans
You look at me for your desire, but I’m using all I have
If you get off on your placement then get off my back.
Just say the words
Then fall into these arms
Just say the words
I know this feeling can’t be/isn’t right.
all lyrics by David Jensen